If Dreams Lasted Longer

People are like dreams , they fade once you wake up, they’re once very striking , very exhilarating ,and very idolized…But suddenly they leave , they disappear like they’ve never been there.
Sometimes it’s sad and heart shattering , sometimes it is a blessing ,and sometimes it is neither. It’s not quite understandable how being forced to leave someone dear to you could make you feel.
 
The first day is the day someone decides to end your existence in his life , it is not fair , you have always been the giving and caring person in the relationship , you were the one who always tried his best, you were okay with losing anything to win that person, you dealt with that person being cruel , dishonest ,and not giving anything in return, you dealt with being the loser everyday , you agreed to feel aches in your heart every night , and you had no problem to wash your pillows from tears every evening before going to sleep again . On the first day, you will refuse the idea of that person leaving you , you will deny the truth , you will be convinced that that is just temporary and that that person will come back anytime , you will even train yourself on that. What will your response be if that person comes back sorry and regretful , holding a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates ,and saying that he’ll never ever think of leaving you again. You will choose being blindfolded to not see how really hard-hearted that person is , you will somehow keep trying to find a tender part in a solid heart.
 
First week…That damn first week , the memories one , the one your memories decide to eradicate you by making you remember the few times when that person was decent to you. Although they are few , they are powerful , powerful enough to break every piece of you into a million , powerful enough to make your body burn inside , and powerful enough to make you suffocate. Remembering your laughs, your elation , the few moments you were able to deeply breathe in ,and the few moments you were able to see life beautiful and fair enough in. You will wish you could go back in time to live them once again , and the fact that it is impossible will make you enraged and mad at yourself. Thinking of those memories all day and all night will make them foggy , like movie flashbacks , they will seem unreal , as if your mind made them up , like a fairytale they will be.
 
First month is questioning time…Am I not good enough? Am I not what this person wishes for ? What did I do wrong ? Did I push that person away ? Blaming , blaming ,and blaming yourself all over again . You will hate yourself thinking that you are the reason , that if you were better this person could have stayed, you will wake up everyday feeling dull as ever ,and you will wish it’s the last one. you will zoom into their pictures feeling sorry for something you didn’t do. You will read your old chats again thinking that every text you wrote is stupid…maybe this is what made that person leave you , because you were so silly and boring , maybe over attached , maybe unfunny , maybe you did not give them space ,and maybe you are naturally lame. That is what you are , an unlovable person ,and that is what you deserve. You will torture yourself for being the reason someone left.
 
After the First year, this person suddenly fades just like their memories , seems unreal and foggy , you will not remember their features and details clearly , but you will finally know how oppressive this person was , how hard he broke you , how incurious he was to know how heavily the pain was on your soul , how far did it reach…because it was deep , really deep. you will get angry , angry enough to go stab that person in the heart. Asking why? Why the hell did you do that to me ? What did I do to you? You will no longer stare at their pictures or zoom into their eyes ,and you will barely even visit their Facebook profile. You will start telling yourself I don’t deserve that , I am way better ,and I deserve better. I am lovable, smart , and not boring . You will try to love yourself again by going back to tennis , spending some family time , or maybe having time to watch a new Netflix movie. Looking in the mirror and finally feeling that you are gorgeous again. Your self-esteem will arise again. You will feel fresh and ecstatic that once again you are waking up feeling ready to face a new battle. You are no longer blind-folded.
 
And you are the old you again , no longer demented or sorrowful , only more powerful and steady.

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3 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    What a nice article 😍 WOW . Loved it ! Enjoyed reading it as well ❤️

  2. Jana Elsagher says:

    So proud of you ya lajlaj wallahi …..bgd nti mfee4 zyk w 2oryb 2wi htb2y 3almya…..daymn astmry w 27na kolna gmbk w daymn f5oreen beeky 💖

  3. Yasmine Ahmed says:

    Lajluja is super super talented!💖💖her pieces of writings are my favorite thing in the whole entire planet🥺💖💖praying that her talent stays forever and even improves everyday🥰🥰

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